February is usually regarded as the ‘month of love’ due to all the attention given around Valentine’s Day. But how many of us are feeling like really our marriages are going down the drain? How many of us are feeling like the spark of love has gone out with the all these changing trends where society seems to be glorifying extra-marital affairs, the other woman or simply what is now called the ‘sponsor-sponsee’ relationships? That is why I thought of these 20 simple things you can do to improve our marriage today.


I know and can testify that marriage is beautiful for it is wonderful knowing someone loves you, thinks about you or cares for you. This fact encourages me to keep writing on how we can rejuvenate our marriages and strengthen the marriage institution. Remember to check out my earlier posts on 15 ways to show love to your husband and 10 qualities every African woman should embrace for a happier marriage. Also on our Facebook page we now have consistent posts on #Family-Friday where we share inspiring content on marriage, relationships, motherhood, sex and much more. 


These 20 simple things you can start doing today to improve your marriage are all doable and are cost free hence you do not need to wait for that Valentines night out or that family holiday to start taking action. I always say, change starts with you, so whether you are a husband or wife reading this, you are the one to start this change.


Here are the 20 simple things.

  1. Start sending that one romantic text/Whatsapp daily. It can be as simple as Good morning my dear’, How was your lunch my dear? I miss you this afternoon, etc. That will make your spouse look forward to seeing you at the end of the day.
  2. Appreciate your spouse daily. It could be that dress or suit they have won and look nice, tell them they look smart. It could be they came home with something extra from the usual, say thank you. Even if it is the ‘obvious’ e.g. a spouse providing, appreciate because you will surprised how that is not obvious in many families.
  3. Take supper together and go to bed together. This is simple but very powerful. If you come home earlier than your spouse, wait for him or her you share a meal then retire to bed together.
  4. Remember you are on the same team not against each other. Do not strive to win an argument all the time.
  5. Do silly things together. What is that one silly thing you loved to do while on your ‘honeymoon’ stage of marriage? Start doing it today.
  6. Say sorry all the time you are wrong and be quick to forgive. Remember love keeps no record of wrong doings thus forgive and ask for forgiveness freely.
  7. Entertain positive thoughts about your spouse daily. Train your mind to be positive about your spouse and shun off any negative or evil thoughts towards her or him.
  8. Are you two very busy? Make time for each other. I know you could both be busy making money, busy with children, etc, but time for the two of you rejuvenates your love and helps you reach to each other’s feelings.
  9. Put your phone away. The Internet has become a killer of marriage today. Put that phone aside and give your spouse full attention. This has to be done intentionally.
  10. Communicate in a simple clear manner. Say what you need and make sure you are understood instead of throwing tantrums and expect your spouse to connect the dots.
  11. Plan your family goals together. Do not undertake any family major goal without the consent of your spouse, involve him or her fully.
  12. Support your spouse’s personal goals or ambitions. Do not push them aside as not important but walk the journey together with them.
  13. Give your 101 per cent before you expect anything in return. If you freely and fully do your part, your spouse is likely to do the same instead of where you demand from your spouse with no effort from your side.
  14. Look your best for your spouse. Ladies, shape up and stay in health for him. Guys, stay strong and in health for her. Learn about it here.
  15. Embrace your spouse’s extended family if you truly claim to love him or her. This does not mean you allow relatives to tramp on your marriage but open hatred towards them is not acceptable.
  16. Be open in your finances. This is usually a tough one but it is among the greatest. Let your spouse know what you are bringing to the table so that you plan for it together.
  17. Defend your spouse in public. Never entertain anyone saying something negative about your spouse in public even if it be the truth. Defend him or her and sort it out in private.
  18. Put your marriage ahead. Be willing to make sacrifices from time to time so that your marriage can stand. For instance forgoing that outing with colleagues so that you can be home early to have dinner with your spouse.
  19. Ask difficult questions. Be willing to be tough and solve your marriage conflicts rather than lightly shunning them for the sake of ‘peace’. The conflicts only get worse.
  20. Make sex and power of touch a priority. I had to make this the last point because it is very important. Keep spicing your romance life from time to time, hug and kiss generously daily.


These 20 things you can start doing today to improve your marriage are all free and doable. Why don’t you give them a try? Let me know your thoughts too in the comments below.


To a happier, healthier and more empowered you in 2019 and the years to come.


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