Have you ever wondered of what you need to change in yourself as an African woman to make your marriage better, happier and greater? Read on.
One of the things that inspired me to start AfricanWoman101 is how to make my marriage happier/better every day and how to help my fellow African women to have more fulfilling marriages/relationships. This is a deep topic and I know many will relate to it so I promise to be as real as possible and just to call a spade a spade.
Most of us African women have been cultured differently (wrongly). We have been raised seeing our mothers battered or struggle in polygamous marriages where they resign and just stay on in the marriage because of the children. So by the time we meet our spouses, we have already perceived them as a ‘necessary evil’ that we need to entangle ourselves with because being single again is nooot such an accepted option for us.
But should that be the case today? Shouldn’t we (educated/enlightened) African women fall in love and live in love forever after? Don’t we deserve to enjoy happy marriages too? Of course we deserve to enjoy happy marriages and just to confirm, it is wonderful to be loved and to love someone genuinely.
I have therefore chosen to start on this topic differently. Instead of us blaming our men for not being ‘loving enough’ I thought we should look into ourselves first. What can we change in us as women so that we can contribute towards making our marriages happier/better?
Below are 10 attributes I can ‘swear by’ that if you embrace them you can drastically change your marriage positively and enjoy a more fulfilling relationship with your spouse.
- Love yourself first: Most of us do not come with any self love into marriage. We come to be loved, to be taken care of, etc. The truth is no one can love you more than yourself and you cannot love others without first loving yourself. Cultivate self love. Look out for my full post on this.
- Do not be afraid to be/look smarter than him: Mhhh! I can almost hear someone asking, how can I look more intelligent than my husband, that is uncultural? Go ahead and unleash your intelligence fully, let your husband know what you think of complex issues, be part of family decisions and solutions. Your man will adore you, but of course do this humbly not chest-thumbing.
- Be more forgiving: This may be the greatest of them all. Forgive, forgive, forgive. The faster you do it the better. The secret of forgiveness is, when you do not forgive you only hurt yourself so forgiving your spouse is more for your own good.
- Build a positive attitude: When was the last time you compared your marriage to someone else’s? Maybe a few minutes ago. Cut off this and be grateful you already have someone who loves you. There are many women out there still looking for even half your man.
- Be honest: Most of us want to sugar coat things then they keep hurting us inside. Have candid conversations with your spouse and let him know your honest opinion even if in big decisions such as buying a house. It will save you a lifetime of regrets.
- Be more compromising: Many of us are the know it all and none of his opinion matters. Can we just learn to listen more? Hear your man out, let him have his way sometimes, compromise and agree. Be compromising in bed too: Let your man make love to you even when you totally don’t feel like it. Ask me later how this is important😝.
- Pursue your goals and support his: Do not give up on your dreams because you met him. Sometimes if resources are limited, you can sacrifice for him to pursue a certain goal then he does the same for you and vice-versa.
- Be silly with him: Awww! This is a good one. Is your man your best friend? If not, work on this to the extent you can do ‘silly’ things together like pouring a drop of ice water on him to wake him up and you will laugh it off. My husband and I tell each other crude stories in ‘coded’ language often just for a good laugh. This boosts our romantic life a great deal.
- Have a good relationship with others: Imagine if you claim to love your husband but you do not love your own mother! Think about it. Value other people around you and you will value your man even more.
- Be prayerful: I know not everyone reading this post is a believer but I am never afraid to introduce my God to you. He is the creator of marriages and He makes them beautiful. Just pray for your marriage, see what God can do.
I learnt of some of these qualities the hard way and though I must say it is still a learning process (I am not yet there a hundred per cent) I can confess that I now enjoy a more fulfilling marriage than before. If you have already embraced all of these attributes thumbs up, if you have embraced some then there is room for improvement.
I believe there are more qualities we can add to this list. Share with me in the Comments Section below specific things that you had to change to make your marriage/relationship better. May we all have happier marriages/relationships every day.